Your Child, Their Device, and the Porn They're Watching

"Sweet, innocent boys watch it too... like everyone." These words from a teenage girl in the documentary Childhood 2.0 speak volumes. As a psychologist who's spent 25 years working with families and as a mother of two boys, I've watched this crisis unfold in real-time. What you're about to read might be uncomfortable, but I promise you—it's something every parent needs to know.

Imagine placing four magazines on your coffee table each morning, knowing one contains explicit content, like a Playboy magazine, and just hoping your child doesn't pick up the wrong one. Parents face this daily as kids carry "those coffee table magazines" around in their pockets. This isn't a hypothetical scenario—it's the reality of giving a child a smartphone in 2025.

The days of discovering a hidden magazine are long gone. Today's children aren't just stumbling upon still images – they're being bombarded with unlimited access to explicit sexual videos, often violent, right in the palm of their hands. In 2019, pornographic websites received more traffic than Amazon, Twitter, and Netflix combined. If that doesn't make you pause and think about what's on your child's device, it should.

The Stark Reality

The statistics are sobering. According to research presented in Childhood 2.0, 26% of adolescents aged 13-17 actively seek out pornography monthly. More alarmingly, awareness and exposure to pornography have skyrocketed. In 2015, only 8% of 11-12-year-olds had been exposed to pornography. By 2020, that number jumped to 51%. For 15-16 year olds, the exposure rate increased from 22.7% in 2015 to 79% in 2020. It's likely even higher now in 2025.

As a psychologist, I can tell you – this isn't just about exposure to inappropriate content. It's about our children's developing brains being shaped by experiences they're not yet equipped to process.

A New Approach: Beyond Punishment and Shame

Here's what might surprise you: the answer isn't punishment or shame. As a mother of a middle schooler, I've chosen to be proactive rather than reactive. Even though my son doesn't have a smartphone yet and hasn't been exposed to pornography, I've already started having age-appropriate conversations with him. Why? Because I want him prepared before, not after, he encounters this content. As a mother and a psychologist turned parent coach, I've learned that how we approach these conversations is just as crucial as the boundaries we set.

The goal isn't to demonize sexuality – quite the opposite. We need to help our children understand that their sexual curiosity is entirely normal and healthy. What isn't healthy is learning about sexuality through the distorted lens of pornography. When we punish children for viewing porn, we risk creating deep-seated shame around sexuality itself, which can lead to sexual dysfunction or even deviance later in life.

Instead, we must normalize the temptation while empowering our children to make healthy choices. I've had frank conversations with my son about what to do when – not if – he encounters pornographic content. We've practiced responses he can use when peers share explicit content. This isn't about making him feel guilty; it's about giving him tools to navigate a hypersexualized digital world.

What Parents Need to Understand

Let me be clear: this isn't about blame. It's not your fault, and it's not your child's fault. The dopamine rush from these highly stimulating images and videos creates a pull so powerful that even adult brains struggle to resist. We are facing an unprecedented situation in which children have unlimited access to content that damagingly shapes their developing brains and understanding of relationships, intimacy, and self-worth.

What's especially alarming is the nature of today's pornographic content. An analysis cited in Childhood 2.0 found that 88% of the 50 most popular pornographic videos contain physical violence, and 49% include verbal aggression, primarily directed at women. Pornographic video titles such as "Girl Reacts to Rough Sex – Honest Porn," with 1.8 million views and 1.3 million "likes," and "Gang Bang Revenge," with over 1 million views and 640,000 "thumbs-up," are shaping children's perceptions of sex and sexuality in a disturbingly violent and distorted way. Kids aren't just being exposed to sexual content—they're absorbing messages that normalize violence and degradation, especially toward women. This is a serious issue that demands our attention.

Creating a Framework for Healthy Sexuality

The key is helping our children understand that sexuality is a beautiful part of human connection when it occurs within the proper context – a loving, long-term relationship characterized by mutual respect, love, kindness, care, and tenderness. This message needs to be clear: their sexuality isn't wrong or bad, but pornography isn't an accurate representation of healthy sexual relationships.

Here's what we can teach them:

• Sexual feelings are normal and natural

• Real relationships are built on mutual respect, trust, and emotional connection

• Healthy sexuality develops gradually within loving relationships

• Pornography offers a distorted, often harmful view of sex and relationships

• They can always come to us with questions or concerns without fear of punishment

The Impact on Our Children

The effects of unrestricted access to pornography are many:

• Boys are increasingly substituting real relationships with online content, missing crucial opportunities to develop healthy relationship skills

• Girls as young as 11 are secretly watching pornography in their bedrooms, becoming addicted due to the hyper-arousal

• Both genders are developing distorted views of what constitutes normal, healthy sexual relationships

• Many children are using pornography as their primary source of sex education, learning dangerous misconceptions about relationships and intimacy

What We Can Do

As parents, we have more power than we might think. Here are concrete steps we can take:

1. Remove Internet-Connected Devices from Private Spaces: The most effective step we can take is to implement a house rule that Internet-connected devices aren't allowed behind closed doors. No devices are allowed in bedrooms. Consider options like the Gabb phone, which doesn't have an internet browser, for younger children.

2. Open Dialogue: Create a comfortable space for conversations about these topics. Let your children know it's normal to be curious about sex. Speak about sexuality with ease and understanding and help them understand why pornography isn't a healthy source of information.

3. Educate Early: Have age-appropriate conversations before exposure happens. Remember, it's not if but when they'll encounter this content.

4. Monitor Without Shame: Be aware of your children's online activities while maintaining their trust. Focus on protection rather than punishment.

5. Create Safety Plans: Help your children develop strategies for when they encounter explicit content, whether on their own devices, a friend's device, or a friend's text or Snap message.

A Call to Action

I strongly encourage every parent to watch the documentary Childhood 2.0 to fully understand the scope of this issue and how smart devices are changing childhood. What we're facing isn't just about technology——it's about protecting our children's ability to develop healthy relationships and a healthy understanding of intimacy.

Please don't shame or frighten our children about sexuality. Instead, teach them and model for them that healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, care, and emotional connection – elements that are notably missing from pornographic content.

As someone who has worked with numerous families navigating these challenges, I can tell you that the most successful approach combines clear boundaries with open, loving communication. Our children need our guidance now more than ever to develop a healthy understanding of sexuality and relationships in this digital age.

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Dr. Carrie Mackensen is a psychologist turned parent coach with 25 years of experience and the founder of Successful Parent. For more resources and support, visit www.successfulparent.com to download your free copy of "A Parent's Guide to Better Tech Boundaries."

Mazzone, Robert, and Jamin Thomas, directors. Childhood 2.0. Social Dilemma Productions, 2020.