The Shocking Truth About Fortnite & Your Child’s Brain—What Every Parent Needs to Know

The Quiet Crisis in Our Homes

As parents, we face countless decisions about what's best for our children. Some choices are simple, while others challenge us to stand firm when our children plead, "But all my friends are doing it!" No decision falls into this category more than whether to allow violent video games like Fortnite, Grand Theft Auto, and Call of Duty into our homes.

A note before we continue: If your kids already play these games, you may be inclined to skip this article—but please keep reading. So many loving, wonderful parents have allowed these games in their homes. As one mom recently exclaimed, "That's just what kids these days do," and I genuinely get it. However, as parents, we must understand how these games impact our children's developing brains before dismissing concerns.

If you're feeling defensive, please know this article is about empowerment, not parent guilt. Despite our best intentions, we parents inevitably make decisions we may later reconsider, especially in this rapidly changing world of technology. We're bound to make mistakes—what we do next matters most. No matter what the rules have been in your home until now, it's never too late to make positive changes.

BOTTOM LINE FOR BUSY PARENTS: Violent video games use the same conditioning techniques developed to train soldiers to kill--this is not an exaggeration. These games rewire your child's developing brain, decrease empathy, increase aggression, and can lead to behavioral problems—even if your child seems "fine" right now.

I understand the pressure. The chorus of "everyone else is playing" can be deafening, or you might hear, "It's fine, Mom, Fortnite isn't as violent as Call of Duty." However, as parents responsible for shaping our children's developing brains and character, we must make decisions based on our family values and evidence, not peer pressure from our community or our kids.

While you might think these games aren't impacting your son, consider these questions: Is your child disrespectful to you? Demanding? Does he ignore your boundaries or the word "no"? The behaviors modeled in games like Fortnite and Grand Theft Auto reinforce pushiness, lack of respect, and forcing one's will onto others. Are these the traits you want to strengthen in your child? Even subtle changes in attitude and behavior can be early warning signs of the game's influence on your child's developing character.

Gaming Warfare: How Your Child's Entertainment Was Built to Train Killers

Let's be clear about what these games do: they train players to inflict harm and kill using the exact mechanisms employed to train soldiers—classical conditioning, operant conditioning, and social learning. This isn't hyperbole; it's precisely how the games are designed.

Our military was the first to develop first-person shooter video games. Why? Because it goes against human nature to pull the trigger on another human being. Our military warriors need to be desensitized to protect us in war. But our military is composed of adult minds with extensive training about restraint—when to kill and when to put their gun down. Why would we want to desensitize our children to violence?

Our children do not have fully developed adult brains. What our children do literally shapes their brains. When they play these violent video games, their brains are being shaped to value violence and repeat violent acts through classical and operant conditioning. This can manifest as extreme violence like physical harm or more subtle acts like verbal threats, disrespect, and speaking poorly to siblings or parents.

When your child plays these games, they receive rewards (points, virtual currency, advancement) specifically for committing acts of violence. These games provide a continuous feedback loop where violence equals success. In psychology, we call this operant conditioning—behavior reinforced by rewards becomes more likely to be repeated. Your kids are being rewarded for acts of violence during the most pivotal period of brain development.

With each headshot celebrated, each enemy eliminated, and each act of virtual violence rewarded, neural pathways are being formed. The games rewire your child's developing brain to associate violent acts with pleasure and a sense of accomplishment.

The Silent Changes: What's Really Happening to Your Child's Brain

Most parents believe their children would never act out the violence they see in games. And statistically, they're right—most children who play violent video games don't become violent criminals or school shooters.

Here's a disturbing reality, though: research has identified heavy use of violent video games as a common thread among school shooters. Many began with "lighter" games like Fortnite before graduating to more graphic violence in games like Call of Duty. While the odds of your child becoming a school shooter are extremely low, these games are still causing subtle but significant damage to their developing mind.

"We're not raising mass shooters, but we are raising children with diminished empathy and increased aggression—is that really what any of us want?"

Research consistently shows subtle yet concerning changes happening in children who regularly play violent games:

Warning Signs Your Child Is Being Affected

• Becoming more verbally aggressive toward parents and siblings

• Becoming more pushy, demanding, or relentless

• Demonstrating decreased empathy toward others

• Showing poor impulse control and emotional regulation

• Appearing constantly on edge or in "fight mode."

• Engaging in more risky behaviors

• Using more violent or racist language

• Becoming desensitized to violence and suffering

• Reacting with extreme anger when gaming time is limited

These changes don't happen overnight. They occur gradually as the brain adapts to constant exposure to violent stimuli. Your sweet 10-year-old doesn't become an aggressive teenager in a day, but the seeds are planted with every gaming session.

Your Child's Developing Brain: Why Timing Matters

Children's brains are uniquely vulnerable to the effects of violent media because they're still developing. The prefrontal cortex—responsible for impulse control, decision-making, and moral reasoning—isn't fully developed until the mid-20s.

Today's games are not the games of your childhood. The video games your kids play today are distinctly different from those you played as a child. Brain science and technology have come a long way. Gaming companies have applied brain science to make these games more addictive to get your kids hooked through persuasive design. Technological advancements make these games more life-like to the brain and unconscious mind—not for an adult necessarily, but most definitely for a child's or teen's brain. Your child's brain is still forming, and it is in the midst of key construction that determines how your child thinks, feels, and behaves. How your kids spend their time shapes their future selves.

When children play violent games, their stress response activates (the fight-or-flight system), and the midbrain and hindbrain (responsible for survival reactions) take over. At the same time, the prefrontal cortex's activity decreases. Over time, this pattern becomes the brain's new normal, making it harder for children to exercise sound judgment, control impulses, and feel empathy.

Lt. Colonel Dave Grossman, who studies the psychology of killing, explains that violent games don't just desensitize children to violence—they condition them to take pleasure from it. This isn't just disturbing; it directly contradicts the values most of us are trying to instill.

From Gaming to Character: What Your Choices Teach

Ask yourself: Do the values celebrated in Grand Theft Auto—where players earn rewards for stealing cars, assaulting people, and engaging with prostitutes—align with the values you're teaching at home?

Does the objective of Fortnite—eliminating other players until you're the last one standing—reflect how you want your child to treat others?

When we allow these games into our homes, we send a confusing message: "These behaviors are wrong in real life, but it's fine to practice them for fun."

Children need consistency. They need us to align our rules with our values. If we value kindness, empathy, and respect, we should promote activities that develop those qualities—not undermine them. We can still have immense fun while aligning with our value system. Have fun with your kids and encourage them to be creative, playful, and fun without violent games.

Practical Battle Plan: Standing Firm When Everyone Else Says Yes

What is the most common reason parents allow violent games? "All their friends play them." But consider this: every positive social change began with people willing to go against the crowd.

As parents, we're not just raising individuals—we're shaping the future of our society. When we take a stand against normalizing violence, we're not just protecting our children; we're working toward a more peaceful home and world.

Here are some practical steps you can take:

1. Be informed: Play the games yourself or watch gameplay videos to understand what your child is experiencing. (Remember that your child's brain processes this violent content differently from your adult brain.)

2. Practice mindful parenting: Instead of an automatic "yes," try "I need to research this game, think about it, and talk with your father/mother before I make a decision." This teaches your child to be thoughtful rather than follow the crowd.

3. Set firm boundaries: If the game doesn't align with your values, be willing to say no—it's not mean; it's loving and protective.

4. Provide alternatives: Help your child find games and activities that are engaging, fun, and aligned with your family values.

5. Connect with like-minded parents: You're not alone. Find others who share your concerns and support each other.

6. Explain your reasoning: Don't just say no—help your child understand the "why" behind your decision in age-appropriate ways.

Instead of Violent Games, Consider These:

Note: While I recommend reducing all screen time for optimal development, I find a step down approach works better than cold-turkey, all-or-nothing. Shift first to games that are not violent, then reduce game time to 30 minute sessions to protect brain development. Ultimately, real-world activities provide the best developmental benefits, but taking a more step-down approach by replacing violent video games with non-violent options typically goes over better in families. For a list of “better” video games, check out Common Sense Media's List of the Best Non-Violent Video games: https://www.commonsensemedia.org/lists/nonviolent-video-games

Ages 8-12:

• Best Options: Outdoor play, sports, arts and crafts, building activities, music lessons, LEGOS, imaginative play, reading, science experiments, baking, and board games with family.

• If video games are allowed: Nintendo games like Mario, Minecraft (creative mode), and Madden NFL series with 30-minute time limits.

Ages 13+:

• Best options: Team sports, hands-on hobbies, drama club/improv, music, outdoor adventures, cooking, joining clubs, community service, and fun family activities

• If video games are allowed: Racing games like Gran Turismo or Sports games like FIFA, NBA 2K, and EA Sports, with a time limit of 30 minutes per gaming session.

Remember: The goal isn't replacing one screen with another but gradually transitioning to a lifestyle where screens play a minimal, intentional role in your child's development.

What If You've Already Allowed These Games? It's Never Too Late

If you've already purchased these violent games for your children and allowed them to play them, it's not too late to change course! Our job as parents is to make changes when we get new information about what's in our children's best interest.

Start by talking with your kids about the new information you've learned—that these games desensitize their sensitive developing brain to engage in mean and even violent behavior, and you love them too much to allow anything to influence them, your home, or your family in that way.

Successful parenting is mindful parenting—pausing and thinking things through before we act. Inform your kids that the family will focus on more positive, fun, engaging activities so that removing these violent games doesn't feel like deprivation. Instead, it feels like you've added something better to their lives.

"Your child may protest removing these games. If they show withdrawal symptoms or increased aggression initially, that's even more evidence you've made the right decision."

Depending on their level of engagement (some kids are addicted to these games), there may be some withdrawal symptoms where your child acts out or initially becomes more aggressive. If this happens, withdrawal symptoms are temporary while the brain goes through a violent digital media detox; keep this in mind while you hold the boundary in a loving but firm way.

Together, We Can Make a Difference

We can make changes together as a society. The gaming industry uses persuasive design to make these games addictive and get your kids hooked, but remember—the gaming industry is motivated by profit. We parents are motivated by something much more important than profit—we are motivated by what's in our kids' best interest, their future, the happiness of our home, and the nature of our family relationships.

Each family that says "no" to violent games sends a message to both the industry and to other parents that we value our children's healthy development more than we fear their temporary disappointment.

A Call to Courage

Parenting isn't about being popular—it's about doing what's right, even when it's hard. Our children don't need us to be their friends; they need us to be their guides, their loving leaders who demonstrate how to stand up for what's right. This modeling will benefit them and you as they age. Their "friends" will encourage them to do risky things in real life. If your kids grow up with you being able to say, "No, because that's not right and it's not good for you," then they are more likely to stand up to their friend group and say, "No, I'm not going to join you in x, y, or z..." fill in the blank with the activities you hope your kids have the courage and sense of self to say "no" to when facing peer pressure.

When you stand firm against violent video games, you might face resistance. Your child might be angry. They might feel left out temporarily. But remember—you're playing the long game of raising a healthy, well-adjusted adult.

The research is clear. Hopefully, your family values are clear. Now, we need to be clear in our actions.

Our children deserve nothing less than our courage to protect their bodies, developing minds, and hearts. That might mean being the parent who says no when others say yes. That's not just good parenting—it's an act of love that will serve them for a lifetime.

About the Author: Dr. Carrie Mackensen ("Dr. Carrie") is a clinical psychologist with 25 years of experience and a mother of two boys. With a Ph.D. in Individual, Family, and Child Psychology, she combines professional expertise with practical parenting wisdom. Through her coaching business, Successful Parent, she helps families navigate modern challenges with evidence-based strategies. For additional resources, visit www.successfulparent.com to download your free copy of "A Parent's Guide to Better Tech Boundaries."Grossman, D. (2016). Assassination Generation: Video Games, Aggression, and the Psychology of Killing. Little, Brown and Company.Thanks for reading Successful Parent! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.ScreenStrong. (2024). Kids' Brains & Screens: Strong Kids. Strong Families. A ScreenStrong Student Course.