Teen Mischief Builds Better Brains Than Fortnite: From Joy-Riding to Logging-In at Age 16

How Teen Rebellion Lost Its Driver's License

Today's teens aren't getting their driver's licenses. I noticed this alarming trend in my private psychology practice in 2014. Teenagers turn 16 and have NO interest in getting a driver's license. Instead, they want their parents (meaning their mom) to drive them around.

When I was a teen, I couldn't wait to get my driver's license!

In fact, my best friend and I snuck out her brother's car when we were only 13—lol—but that's a different story entirely for another article. Plus, my kids read my articles, though I have shared that story with them (insert laugh, head shake, eye roll). I am human; we were kids, and it's a great story.

Picture two 13-year-old girls with way too much blue eyeshadow, bangs hair-sprayed three inches high, sitting on phone books to see over the steering wheel, convinced we looked "totally 16."

We nearly made it to her boyfriend’s house before the car broke down with a sickening clunk.

A car pulled over behind us. We hid on the floorboard, hoping they wouldn't see us, but her parents soon opened the door and dragged her out. They drove us home, and her teenage older brother slapped her for taking HIS "new-to-him" car.

But I digress. I went to the DMV the day I turned 16 to get my license—freedom!

But there’s a common trend among today's teens to wait years to get their license. What's going on here?

We can discuss the need for parents to feel needed, the enmeshment between parents and their kids, or the fact that some parents aren't ready to "let go."

Or we could face the uncomfortable truth: kids nowadays are not maturing at the same rate as previous generations.

Why? Because they aren't building life skills or a LIFE.

Virtual Lives vs. Real Lives: The Empty Friday Night

I spoke with one mom who was lamenting about her 16-year-old son (who didn’t have his driver’s license or any interest in getting one—she was still driving him all over town).

This mom shared that when she was his age, she couldn't wait to get her license. She was out with her friends, around town, and experiencing life on weekends. But her son didn't go out to meet friends on weekend nights.

"What is he doing instead?" I asked.

"He's home playing Fortnite on a Friday night with his buddies logged-in online," she explained. Then she muttered, "At least he's home, safe, and I know what he's up to."

I understand that comfort. Really, I do. As parents, we want nothing more than to keep our children safe.

But here's the uncomfortable truth: staying "safe" behind a screen isn't actually safe for their developing brains. What seems like protection is preventing crucial development.

Let's explore why.

The Science Behind Screen Time: What's Really Happening to Your Child's Brain

Dr. Victoria Dunckley, a child psychiatrist specializing in screen time's impact on developing brains, explains that interactive screens (video games, tablets, smartphones, social media) trigger a fight-or-flight response in children. This constant arousal and stress creates what she calls "Electronic Screen Syndrome (ESS)."

The Physiological Changes of Electronic Screen Syndrome

When a child spends hours on interactive screens:

1. Blood flow shifts away from the frontal lobe (the part of the brain responsible for decision-making, impulse control, planning, and emotional regulation)

2. Stress hormones increase, creating a state similar to being on stimulants like cocaine

3. Sleep quality deteriorates, even if they get the same number of sleep hours—this causes additional mood dysregulation on top of the stimulant effect

4. Attention becomes fragmented, they can’t focus from fast-paced images on the screen, constant notifications and bright light stimulation

5. Reward pathways become desensitized, requiring more stimulation for the same satisfaction, so they require more screen time and more activating games (read: more violent)

Brain Scans Don't Lie

One particularly striking point Dr. Dunckley makes is that brain scans of young people with excessive screen use show the same patterns to those with brain damage from drugs.

That's right – the brain changes aren't just behavioral; they're physical and measurably so. These changes in the brain result in what seems like psychological problems such as ADHD, anxiety disorders, or depression. But when you remove the screens those symptoms disappear.

Building Pathways or Pruning Them: The Crucial Developmental Window

Melanie Hempe, founder of ScreenStrong, an organization that helps families detox their kids from toxic screens, is also a nurse and mom of four who lived through the aftermath of her son's gaming addiction. She explains brain development with a brilliant metaphor: our brains are like networks of dirt roads that become paved highways through repeated use.

Whatever activities our children engage in most frequently during their developmental years become the "paved highways" of their brains. If that's gaming or scrolling, those become the dominant neural pathways.

Even more concerning is what happens during the teenage years, neuronal pruning, when unused pathways disappear entirely. This is why children who spend too much time gaming or scrolling during their formative years often struggle with the following:

• Eye-contact and face-to-face social interactions

• Delayed emotional development

• Reduced empathy and connection

• Difficulty sustaining attention

• Poor frustration tolerance

When your teen builds an avatar instead of a life, they're literally constructing their brain architecture around virtual experiences rather than real ones.

The 16-year-old who spends his time on Fortnite instead of pursuing a driver's license isn't just making a preferential choice—his brain is developing differently, and he's missing out on key developmental milestones that lead to a healthy life.

Is Your Child Building a Life or Building an Avatar? Take the Quick Assessment

How do you know if your child has crossed from healthy technology use to unhealthy dependency? Take this quick assessment:

Screen Dependency Warning Signs

1. Does your child become emotionally volatile when asked to stop using devices?

2. Have you caught them sneaking or lying about screen time?

3. Has their interest in offline activities declined?

4. Do they experience physical symptoms like headaches, eye strain, or sleep issues?

5. Do they use screens as their default activity?

6. Do they turn to screens to regulate their mood?

7. Have they withdrawn from family interactions?

8. Are they spending more and more time on screens?

9. When they are not on screens are they “bored?”

10. Can they quickly list three activities they enjoy as much as screens?

If you answered "yes" to three or more of these questions, your child might be developing unhealthy screen habits that warrant intervention.

The comparison between balanced users and dependent users is stark. A balanced child can easily put down the device when called for dinner. They can leave their video game quickly when friends come over to ride bikes. They see screens as just one of many interesting things in their lives—not their default activity.

"At Least I Know Where They Are" – The Well-Intentioned Trap

That mother's comment – "At least he's home, safe, and I know what he's up to" – reflects a common and completely understandable parental instinct. We want to protect our children from harm. The world can be scary, and kids do stupid things sometimes (like me and my friend at thirteen). Wouldn't we rather have them safe at home than out making potentially dangerous mistakes?

This perspective isn't wrong – it's just incomplete.

Yes, your teen is physically in your house. But mentally and emotionally, where are they?

Often, they're in violent battlefields, hypersexualized social environments online, or addictive reward loops designed by companies who employ attention engineers specifically to keep users "engaged" (read: hooked) as long as possible. Not to mention the opportunity cost of what they are not doing—the brain building activities they are missing out on that lead to a meaningful, fulfilling life.

We parents need to step in and protect our kids and teenagers from digital danger. I like this funny comparative antidote from Comedian Paula Poundstone:

We must be willing to be that kind of adult for our children – the kind who protects them even when they don't want protection. We are overprotecting our kids in the real-world and under protecting them online. There is significant damage to the developing brain, mental health, and future our our youth as a result of spending too much time on interactive screens.

Beyond Moderation: Why "Just Cut Back" Often Fails

Dr. Dunckley addresses a common misconception that screen issues can be solved with "moderation." For some children, this can be true, but for those showing signs of dependency, severe attention problems, or mood dysregulation, moderation simply doesn't work.

This isn't like food addiction, where you need to eat to survive. I again quote comedian Paula Poundstone who humorously but accurately explains, "You don't have to have tech. You have to have food, or you will die. You don't have to have tech."

Dr. Dunckley recommends a complete "electronic fast" for children showing signs of Electronic Screen Syndrome for 3-4 weeks. This reset allows the nervous system to regulate and lets parents see their child's natural baseline. Many parents come to me and state that they don’t like their children anymore, but what they see isn’t their child’s personality rather their brain overstimulated by interactive screens. Removing the screens often returns the likable kid.

The Remarkable Results

The results can be dramatic:

• Improved mood and emotional regulation

• Increased focus and attention span

• Reduced anxiety

• Rediscovery of offline interests

• Reconnection with family

When I guide families through a detox, they often tell me, “we got our kid back!” Families who have implemented this approach are usually astonished by the positive changes in their children – like one family Dr. Dunckley features, whose 5-year-old daughter went from having a “5-second attention span to being able to focus for 20-60 minutes” after just four weeks off screens.

A Success Story

Sarah (name changed) was at her wit's end with her 9-year-old son. "He was diagnosed with ADHD, an anxiety disorder, and was having outbursts daily. He was pushy and unpleasant to be around. We tried therapy, medication, everything. When you encouraged us to try a digital detox, we figured we had nothing to lose, so we followed your lead. The first three days were horrible – tantrums, begging, the works. By day five, he started looking for other things to do. By week three, he asked to rejoin his karate class and was reading again. His therapist was shocked by his transformation, too."

Practical Steps: Reclaiming Your Child's Brain (And Your Family Life)

If you're concerned about your child's screen use, here are concrete steps you can take:

For Children Under 10:

1. Create screen-free zones: Bedrooms, the dining table, and car rides should be device-free

2. Limit to educational content: If screens are used, focus on slow-paced, educational programming

3. Maximize physical play: Ensure at least 2 hours of active, preferably outdoor play daily

For Tweens (10-13):

1. Delay smartphone access: Consider a basic flip phone if communication is needed

2. Create screen schedules: Clearly defined times when devices can be used

3. Teach digital literacy: Discuss how technology is designed to be addictive

For Teens (14+):

1. Conduct an electronic fast: Consider a 3-4 week complete break from interactive screens

2. Use a device basket: Everyone (parents included!) deposits devices when entering the house

3. Prioritize sleep hygiene: No screens 1-2 hours before bedtime

4. Focus on life skills: Laundry, cooking, financial literacy, driving, and other real-world experiences

For All Ages:

Substitute brain-healthy activities:

• Physical movement (sports, dance, outdoor play)

• Music (playing instruments, not just listening)

• Reading physical books

• Hands-on crafts or building

• Social interactions and family activities

• Time in nature (greenery calms our nervous system)

• Unstructured play and daydreaming (boredom is a good thing and leads to creativity)

Be the coach, not the cop: Frame these changes positively, with plenty of smiles and encouragement

Get support: Connect with other parents making similar changes

As Melanie Hempe says, "If your child cannot list three things that they like as much or more than their game, you're in trouble." Start exploring what those other activities might be.

What could your family do this weekend instead of screens? Make a list together and commit to trying at least one activity.

Answering the "But Everyone Else Is Doing It" Objection

Let's address the elephant in the room: "But all the other kids are doing it!"

Yes, many are. And Hempe has a perfect response: "If your child doesn't have any friends because he doesn't play Fortnite, he needs to get some new friends." From my own personal experience, I can tell you that my boys do not have video games at home and they have a lot of friends.

Being the parent who sets boundaries around technology might make you temporarily unpopular, but it positions your child for greater success in the long run. And despite initial resistance, children often come to appreciate the structure.

Think of it this way: Would you let your child eat candy for every meal just because "all the other parents" were doing it? Of course not. You recognize your responsibility to make decisions based on your child's long-term well-being, not their immediate desires or social pressure.

A Vision of What's Possible: Reconnecting

The good news is that the brain is remarkably resilient, especially in young people. Positive changes happen quickly when the brain is given a chance to reset and develop new patterns.

Imagine:

• Family dinners filled with laughter and stories instead of silent scrolling

• Weekends buzzing with activities and adventures instead of screen battles

• A teenager who looks you in the eye when talking, their face animated with expression

• Rediscovering your child's unique personality and interests beyond their digital persona

• Watching them develop the resilience that comes from real-world experiences

As for that 16-year-old who doesn't want his license? What he needs isn't more time for Fortnite but a taste of the freedom and responsibility that comes with real-world exploration.

The Path Forward

Our job as parents isn't to keep our children perpetually comfortable and entertained. It's to prepare them for adulthood by gradually exposing them to age-appropriate challenges and responsibilities. Getting a driver's license is a developmental milestone that builds confidence and autonomy.

So yes, there's a risk in having a teenager out driving rather than safely gaming in their room. But there's also risk – perhaps a greater risk – in raising children who reach physical adulthood without developing the neural pathways for independence, emotional regulation, and real-world problem-solving.

As Melanie Hempe wisely notes: "I have never, ever met a parent who said, 'I wish I could go back in time and give my kids more video game time. I wish I had given them their phone earlier.' No one has ever said this."

The gift of a rich, connected, screen-balanced childhood isn't just about what you take away—it's about all you give back: time, attention, experiences, and the chance to develop into a fully functioning adult who can navigate both the digital and physical worlds with confidence and joy.

Your Next Step

This weekend, try a 24 to 48-hour family screen sabbath. Put all devices away and rediscover what it means to be present with each other. I like to say choose presence over pixels. The results may surprise you. In fact, I think you will find that you feel happier, too, not just your kids.

For those wanting to learn more, I recommend the resources listed below.

Your child isn't building a highlight reel – they're building a brain. Ensure it's wired for the real world, not just the virtual one.

Because someday, they should have their own entertaining stories about mischievous joy-rides sitting on phone books to tell their children—not just screenshots of their avatar skin and highest game scores.

References

This article references "Screen Time and Your Child's Brain: A webinar on technology's impact on mental health and development" - Adapted from a Kids' Brains and Screens event hosted by Paula Poundstone with presentations by Victoria Dunckley MD, child psychiatrist and author of Reset Your Child's Brain, and Melanie Hempe, founder of ScreenStrong.

The webinar can be purchased on Dr. Victoria Dunckley's website at

https://drdunckley.com/

under the link: NEW WEBINAR: Screen Time and Your Child's Brain: The Impact of Technology on Mental Health and Development.

Additional Resources:

1. Dunckley, Victoria. Reset Your Child's Brain: A Four-Week Plan to End Meltdowns, Raise Grades, and Boost Social Skills by Reversing the Effects of Electronic Screen-Time. New World Library, 2015.

2. Hempe, Melanie. The ScreenStrong Solution: How to Free Your Child from Addictive Screen Habits. ScreenStrong, 2023.

3. ScreenStrong - Practical resources for families dealing with screen dependency: www.screenstrong.orgAbout the AuthorDr. Carrie Mackensen is a clinical psychologist turned parent coach with 25 years of experience and mom of two boys. She blends professional expertise with battle-tested, mom wisdom to help families thrive. Through her coaching business, Successful Parent, she helps parents navigate modern day challenges with evidence-based, practical parenting strategies.Download "A Parent's Guide to Better Tech Boundaries" at www.successfulparent.com.