Sturdy Parenting Through Crisis

Feelings of helplessness can overwhelm even the most capable parent during devastating events like the Los Angeles wildfires. The pressure to "figure it all out right now" is intense, especially while watching your children mourn alongside you. Our survival instincts and fight-or-flight stress response tell us to plow through, keep moving, and solve every problem immediately, but this can leave us unsteady rather than grounded, making us less able to help those who need us most.

Finding stability as a parent means caring for ourselves and our children. In the middle of a crisis, this can feel impossible. It's like being both the boat lost at sea during a storm and simultaneously the steady lighthouse tasked with bringing the ship safely into the harbor.

It's hard to be a solid presence for our children's tears, fears, and questions when we are drowning in our own emotional storm. This is why it's essential to tend to our emotional needs and receive support from other adults.

Here's a grounding truth: Taking care of ourselves isn't selfish – it's crucial. Just as we're told on airplanes to put on our oxygen masks before helping others, we must build our stability to be truly present for our children.

This doesn't mean we need elaborate self-care routines. Sometimes, staying centered means simply pausing for two to five minutes to close our eyes and take deep, calming breaths. Or making a hot cup of tea and, instead of scrolling through news updates, anchoring ourselves in the present by focusing on the warmth in your hands and the comfort of each sip.

Create stability by taking a break from your phone for one full hour each day. Use this time to build strong connections with your family:

• Play a card game

• Take a quiet walk

• Bake some cookies

• Go to a local cafe for a meal surrounded by community

• Create art together

• Sit and hold each other, offering reassuring words

These screen-free moments of connection help strengthen our foundation and provide our children with the secure attachment they need during crises. Even brief pauses—five or ten minutes—can help us reset and stand more firmly in our parenting.

Remember, you're not failing if you need these breaks – you're building resilience and wisdom. By tending to your own emotional needs, even in small ways during this crisis, you're not just helping yourself; you're giving your children the gift of a steady, present parent who can support them through the storm.

These small moments of self-care and connection create a solid foundation that extends far beyond today.

You're stronger than you think. One breath, one moment, one small act of self-care at a time.