Screens Down, Eyes Up

Hey there, Mama...

Have you ever looked up from your phone and noticed your child watching you, waiting? Or realized that while you were physically with them, your mind was elsewhere—on emails, social media, or endless notifications?

We live in a world pulling us in a thousand directions. True attention has become one of the rarest gifts we can give our children.

Here’s the good news: it’s not about spending endless hours together. It’s about creating moments of real connection within the time you already have.

Special Announcement: International #1 Best Seller!

Exciting news! The Perfectly Imperfect Family, featuring my chapter “Screen-Damaged Brains: What Every Parent of Young Children Needs to Know,” is now an International #1 Best Seller on Amazon! In it, I share how screens reshape kids’ brains and introduce the CARE framework for balancing tech use.

Grab your copy here: [LINK TO AMAZON]

The research is clear: Our kids don’t need fancy toys or elaborate plans—they need our genuine attention. Let’s explore how to reclaim that connection in a distracted world...

The Attention Crisis in Modern Parenting

Here’s the reality of the world we’re parenting in:

• Parents check their phones 70-100 times a day—often during time with their kids.

• Many kids feel like they’re competing with devices for attention.

• Family time is increasingly fragmented by notifications and distractions.

And yet, research shows it’s not the quantity of attention that matters most—it’s the quality.

Studies from MIT reveal that kids sense when we’re physically present but mentally checked out. This “absent presence” creates more anxiety than when we’re not there at all.

Why? Because children’s brains are wired to scan for connection. When they sense distraction, it triggers confusion and insecurity: “Am I not important enough for your full attention?”

The Neuroscience of True Connection

When you give your child your full attention—even briefly—powerful things happen:

• Mirror neurons activate in the brain, syncing your emotions.

• Oxytocin rises, strengthening your bond.

• Stress hormones decrease, creating safety and security.

• Neural pathways for focus develop, teaching them how to pay attention.

Dr. Daniel Siegel calls this “attunement.” When your child feels your complete focus, their nervous system calms, and their brain becomes more integrated.

A key take-away? Even short bursts of focused attention can create meaningful connection—often more than hours of distracted togetherness.

Research shows: Families who implement regular device-free time report 40% more meaningful conversations and greater satisfaction with family relationships.

The Three Types of Attention Your Child Needs

Not all attention is the same. Each type plays a unique role in your child’s development:

1. Watching-Over Attention

   • Being nearby while they play or work independently.

   • Providing a safe, steady presence without hovering.

     • For a 3-year-old: Sitting nearby as they build with blocks, occasionally commenting.

     • For a 10-year-old: Being in the same room while they do homework, available if needed.
       

2. Responsive Attention

   • Answering questions, acknowledging efforts, and staying attuned to their needs.

     • For a 4-year-old: Pausing to fully listen when they ask “why” for the fifteenth time.

     • For a 12-year-old: Putting down your phone when they start telling you about their day.
       

3. Focused Connection

   • Giving undivided attention during moments of deep engagement or emotional need.

     • For a 5-year-old: Spending 10 minutes on the floor doing child-led play.

     • For a 14-year-old: Going for a walk together with phones left at home.

Try This Tonight: The 5-Minute Connection

Even five minutes of undistracted attention can fill your child’s emotional tank:

1. Set a timer for five minutes.

2. Remove all distractions (put your phone in another room).

3. Get on your child’s level.

4. Follow their lead completely—let them decide what you do.

Use the “GLAD” technique:

• Gaze: Warm eye contact that says, “I see you.”

• Listen: Focus completely, without interrupting.

• Attune: Match their emotional state and energy level.

• Delight: Show genuine joy in their presence.

Why it works: This brief but focused time tells your child: “You matter. You are seen. You are worthy of my full attention.”

Weekend Practice: What Works for Me

One of my favorite practices is leaving my phone in another room during family time. No distractions—just connection.

I recommend setting a device-free window each evening. Start with one hour and work up to two. In my home, 5:00–8:30 pm is screen-free. This allows me time to catch up on messages before bed while being fully present during family time.

Try it this weekend and notice how it feels to unplug for a few precious hours.

Your “Attention Revolution” Toolkit

Practical Shifts for Busy Parents:

• The Phone-Down Greeting: When you reunite with your, give 10 minutes of full attention before returning to tasks.

• Device-Free Zones: Make the dining table, car, and bedtime completely screen-free.

• Connection Before Correction: Pause for 30-60 seconds of emotional connection before addressing behavior.

• Model Healthy Tech Use: Narrate your device use: “Please excuse me, I need to check this message for work, then I’ll be with you.”

Free Download: Screen-Life Balance: Your Family Connection Guide

Click below to grab this week’s free resource:
[Screen-Life Balance: Your Family Connection Guide]

This guide includes:

• The CARE framework from my best-selling chapter

• Age-appropriate screen time recommendations

• 30 screen-free connection activities

• A family media agreement template

What’s Coming Next Week

Next week, we’ll explore: “The Loving Power of ‘No’: How Boundaries Make Kids Feel Safe.”

Until then, remember: Your presence is your most powerful tool as a parent. Even small, focused moments of connection can transform your family.

Fully present with you,
 Dr. Carrie

P.S.

What’s one moment today when you noticed your child seeking your attention? Hit reply—I’d love to hear your story!

P.P.S.

For those who’ve already purchased The Perfectly Imperfect Family, THANK YOU for helping make it an international bestseller! As you begin implementing the CARE framework from my chapter, I’d love to hear about your early experiences. Please share your questions or observations—your feedback helps our community grow!

Share With Another Attention-Conscious Parent

Know a parent who’s struggling with screen-life balance? Forward this email to remind them that even small moments of true connection can make a meaningful difference in their child’s development.