Ready to transform your parenting approach?

Author

Carrie Mackensen
April 10, 2025

Hey there, Mama...

Is it possible to raise kids who are both emotionally connected AND respect boundaries? After 25 years of research and thousands of family sessions, I can tell you the answer is yes—and it's simpler than you might think.

Why This Matters Now

Today's parenting advice has swung too far toward gentleness and validation. What nobody's talking about: Children are becoming more anxious because they have too much power in the family.

I see it every week: 

→ Exhausted parents afraid to say "no" 
→ Kids struggling with basic boundaries 
→ Family dynamics that drain everyone

Popular "gentle parenting" approaches emphasize connection while burdening children with too much authority, creating anxious or entitled children and joyless family dynamics.

The Balance That Changes Everything

My approach offers a science-backed middle path where parents are both emotionally attuned AND firmly in charge:

  • Connection without boundaries creates anxiety and entitlement.

  • Boundaries without connection create resentment.

But when you combine them? That's where the magic happens.

Three Core Truths of Effective Parenting

  1. Stay Emotionally Attuned - Your child needs to feel seen and understood (But you're still in charge)

  2. Be Present, Not Perfect - Authenticity matters more than flawless execution

  3. Master Loving Firmness - Saying "no" isn't mean—it's one of the most loving things we do

Your First Power Move: The Confident Connection

Before You Begin: 
→ Choose one situation where you typically negotiate
→ Remind yourself: "I am confidently in charge, that makes my child feel secure"

During the Interaction:

  1. Connect First: Get on their level, make eye contact. "I see you're having fun with that game. Tell me about it..."

  2. Set Clear Boundary: "It's time to wrap up. Three minutes to finish, then bedtime."

  3. Stay Warm but Firm: "I know this is disappointing. I understand. And you still need to wrap up. If you don’t put the game away, I will."

Reconnect After: "Thank you for listening. I love our bedtime together."

Why This Works

Brain research shows children's anxiety decreases when parents are confidently in charge. Their nervous system relaxes, knowing someone else is steering the ship.

This balanced approach satisfies your child's need for both connection AND structure. Warmth meets emotional needs, while clarity provides security.

When It Gets Hard

Expect pushback if you've been flexible before. Stay consistent for 5-7 days, and you'll see remarkable shifts.

Remember: Consistency over time matters more than perfection in any moment.

Quick Guide to Effective Consequences

The goal isn't punishment—it's teaching:

→ Natural Results: Screen time ends when behavior shows overstimulation
→ Logical Links: Missing playdates when responsibilities aren't met
→ Reset Time: Quiet space for regulation (as self-care, not punishment)

Your Action Steps This Week:

  1. Choose ONE situation to apply the Confident Connection (bedtime, screentime, clean up)

  2. Notice your child's response

  3. Notice how YOU feel differently as a parent

  4. Reply to share your experience

Coming Next Week: The Mirror Method

We'll explore how seeing beyond behavior transforms your child's emotional world—making boundaries even more effective.

Over the coming months, we'll work through all 15 core parenting principles—a proven path to raising emotionally healthy children while creating a family home that's genuinely enjoyable.

Remember: You're not just setting limits. You're teaching your child how to feel secure in an uncertain world.

With confidence in you,

Dr. Carrie

P.S. What situation will you choose for your Confident Connection practice? I'd love to hear how it works in your family.