Parenting Without Perfection

Hey there, Mama...

There's no such thing as perfect! By default all of us humans are imperfect…and even the parenting "experts" make parenting mistakes–there's no way around it.

Before we get into exploring the liberating concept of "good enough" parenting, I want to share something exciting…

My chapter "Screen-Damaged Brains: What Every Parent of Young Children Needs to Know" is being published TODAY in The Perfectly Imperfect Family book!
This book celebrates the beauty of raising children in real, messy, wonderfully imperfect ways.
For the next 24 hours, you can grab the digital version for the special price of just $1.99 (less than a cup of coffee) [PURCHASE HERE]

Now back to you and your parenting journey…

Remember that time you lost your cool and snapped at your child? Or forgot the permission slip, served cereal for dinner (again), or scrolled through your phone during their lengthy Minecraft story?

Here's a radical thought: Those imperfect moments might be some of the most valuable contributions to your child's development.

This week, we're diving into my 4th core principle: Authentic Connection.

Perfect parents don't raise resilient children–real parents do!

The Myth of Perfect Parenting

Social media loves to showcase "perfect parenting": color-coordinated family photos (I do them every year), gourmet meals (I don't do those so much), and Pinterest-worthy activities and parties…it's all quite exhausting really.
But here's what the research actually says:

• Children don't need perfect parents. 
  They need parents who show up authentically, make mistakes, repair, and try again.
  Perfect doesn't exist, and if it did–it would be boring and unrelatable.
  

• Perfection creates disconnection. 
  Striving to do everything "right" often makes us more anxious and less attuned to our child's real needs.
  It's not about the super-cute party favors, it's about enjoying the day with your child.
  

• Resilience isn't built in perfect moments. 
  It's the rupture and repair cycle that teaches children how to navigate real relationships.
  The messy moments, when things don't go well, teach our kids they don't need to be perfect to be valuable and to be loved.

Why "Good Enough" Parenting Works

Psychologist D.W. Winnicott's concept of the "good enough mother" remains a cornerstone of modern parenting research. Here's why:

• Secure attachment is built through imperfection. 
  Children who experience mistakes and repairs learn that relationships can withstand challenges.

• Real-life modeling teaches life skills. 
  Watching us navigate emotions, mistakes, and limitations builds their emotional intelligence and problem-solving abilities.

• Authenticity fosters connection. 
  Dropping the mask of perfection creates space for genuine intimacy and acceptance (of others and oneself)

The Power of Healthy Repair

The magic isn't in avoiding mistakes–it's in what you do next.

What Healthy Repair Looks Like:

• Regain your own calm first. 
  Notice you've flipped-your-lid, then pause, breath, and regroup

• Acknowledge what happened simply, without excessive apology. 
  I'm sorry. I didn't handle that well. I need to work on…

• Take ownership of your part. 
  Here's where I messed-up…I want to fix that.

• Offer reconnection. 
  Can we try that again? Would you like a hug?

What Healthy Repair Teaches Your Child:

• Everyone makes mistakes. (I make plenty, just ask my kids)

• Relationships can heal after conflict.

• Their feelings are valid. (All feelings are valid, even if all behaviors aren't okay)

• Accountability strengthens connection.

Examples:

For a 4-year-old: After snapping over a disastrous mess, say: "I got frustrated earlier. I'm sorry that I yelled. I'm working on using my calm voice. Would you like a hug?"

For a 12-year-old: After missing their basketball game, say: "I know my missing your game was disappointing. I’m sorry. My poor planning doesn't reflect how important you and your activities are to me. I've added all your games to my calendar. Is there anything else I can do to support you?"

Pro Tip: Avoid over-apologizing. Guilt-laden apologies can burden your child with managing your emotions. Stick to simple, genuine acknowledgments paired with a commitment to do better.

Try This Tonight: The Real Moment Share

During your evening routine, try this simple practice:

1. Share one moment from your day when things didn't go as planned.

2. Briefly describe how you felt.

3. Explain what you did to address it or what you might try differently next time.

Example: "Today, I forgot about an important meeting. I felt overwhelmed and a little embarrassed, but I apologized to my team and reorganized my calendar. Next time, I'll set reminders the day before."

Why it works: This models healthy emotional processing and shows your child that mistakes are a normal part of life, even for adults.

Weekend Practice: Family Appreciation Circle

Set aside 10 minutes this weekend for this ritual:

• Sit together as a family (even if it's just you and your child).

• Take turns sharing one specific thing you appreciate about each person.

• Focus on effort, character, or small moments, not just achievements.

Pro Tip: When it's your turn to receive appreciation, simply say "thank you." No deflecting or minimizing–receive the compliment with gratitude.

Your Authenticity Toolkit

Self-Compassion Pause:

• Place a hand on your heart.

• Take three deep breaths.

• Say: "This moment is hard. Everyone struggles sometimes. May I give myself a little grace."

Real-Talk Phrases for Imperfect Moments:

• "I made a mistake. That's okay, mistakes happen."

• "I'm feeling overwhelmed. I need a moment to reset."

• "I don't have all the answers, but we will figure this out together."

Reality Check for Perfectionist Thoughts:

• When thinking, "I should handle this better," try: "I'm doing my best with the resources I have right now."
  (note: our best one day is different from our best another day–we're all impacted by circumstance)
  

• When thinking, "Other parents don't struggle with this," try: "All parents have challenges, even if I don't see them."

Reflection Questions

• What parenting "imperfections" might actually be gifts in disguise?

• In what areas of parenting do you hold yourself to impossible standards?

• How comfortable are you showing vulnerability with your child?

Free Download: The Authentic Parent Guide

Click below to grab this week's free resource: [The Authentic Parent Guide]

This guide includes:

• Scripts for healthy repair after mistakes

• Research on the benefits of "good enough" parenting

• Self-compassion practices for perfectionist

What's Coming Next Week

Next week, we'll explore: "The Attention Revolution: Quality Over Quantity in a Distracted World."

Until then, remember: Your "imperfect" real self is exactly what your child needs. Each mistake and repair is a powerful opportunity to model resilience and build genuine connection.

Perfectly imperfect with you,

Dr. Carrie

Quick Implementation

Write down one parenting "standard" you can let go of today (like always serving home-cooked meals or never losing patience). Take a deep breath and say: "I release the need to be perfect in this area, it's okay to be HUMAN."

Share With Another Perfectly Imperfect Parent

Know another parent who needs this reminder? Forward this email to a friend who's embracing their perfectly imperfect parenting journey. We all need the occasional reminder that our "real" parenting moments are often our most valuable contributions.

P.S. What's one "imperfect" moment that strengthened your connection with your child? Hit reply–I'd love to hear your story!

P.P.S. TODAY ONLY: My chapter "Screen-Damaged Brains" is part of The Perfectly Imperfect Family book, launching today! [PURCHASE HERE FOR ONLY $1.99] Get it TODAY for special price of $1.99 (limited time, 24 hours only).